heartbreaks

sometimes...

u can't have what u want from someone u love

not even the least of what u expected

sometimes...

u will hear he say, "i love u and i've never feel like this before for a girl"

and it actually doesn't seem like it

sometimes...

when u expect the nicest words from him when u did/say something special

all u get is all the silence in the world

sometimes...

when u ask ur loved one to climb on the top of the tallest mountain in the world, and scream out loud his love for u

he just doesn't feel like it

sometimes...

when he say stuff to make u feel special

in the end u will know that the 'most special' is somebody else's

sometimes...

when he say "i love u" but he told u to keep it on the hush

then u'll found out that he's actually embarrassed of having someone like u by his side

sometimes...

when ur love is locked deep inside ur heart,

u'll find that someone who's willing to open it back

then it will break into pieces...

again.

footnote: don't expect much out of love...just grab whatever u can and when it's time to run, run away as fast as u can and never ever look back.

ngoyehhh~!!!

i can't even explain how this 'ngoyehhh~!!!' expression looks like or how it is done hehe :D

but anyway it maybe somethg like this: u are very very tired but in d same time u're satisfied or maybe happy bout somethg...idk, i'm not really happy staying in blok 2 mawar though :(

so...now i'm in shah alam...again, n i'm glad :D

everythg has fallen into places, no more worries..but only for money $$$

i tried to apply for PTPTN loan but the website was having too much problem which makes us even more crazier than ever...super duper suckssss

putting that aside, i hate my room in mawar...

i got a double room (which means there is only 2 person per room) in a very quiet n sometimes creepy level because it is still half empty, and my room is at d empty side of the level...

to make it more miserable, the kolej fee for this room is a whooping rm420, double the price from the rooms that has 4beds..i don't even ask for a double room, n it's burning a big hole in my dry purse...so depressing :((

so, to ease my misery, i've decorated my room and organize everythg quite systematically...

n hopefully this current nice condition of my room will last till d end of the semester :D

another thing that makes my life here a lot more meaningful and happy, my honeybunny busuk got the lecturer job in INTEC...wow, i'm dating a lecturer for God's sake..omaigosh hahhaha XD

but we cannot be seen together like a couple around sect.17 campus tho..

adib says: "it will look unethical for a lecturer to date a student...cover up line sudehh~..." :|

whatever, i'm just happy that u will be around, my dear :D

my room mate, khairunissa, a computer eccentric student from PJ...she's nice and still in d process of getting to know her...we got the whole semester babe,sure we will be just fine :D

what else ah to say??.ouh yeah, we the ex-asasians got an exemption from MDS (minggu destini siswa a.k.a orentasi), so another good news!.. XD

although i don't have much money now, but i'm glad that everythg goes well...i'm learning to economize, stop myself from shopping excessively, have simpler meals (in which i'm trying to lose weight rite now) and so on.....and i'm happy that i actually can do this economizing-life thingy :D

another thing before i close this post, i'm on a diet!..finally~ :|

to be more specific, i'm in the Kellogg's Special K - 2 Weeks Challenge diet...and this special K thingy is not that bad at all, it's delicious!.. :D

footnote: try to love ur life as it is and everything will be just fine... :)

bummer

wow..........waa waa wee~

today, i went for a medical check up with my sis

and i've done d x-ray, pee check and stuff

then it came to d worse part...

getting on the evil weighing scale~...

during 3 months of holiday,i gained 5kgs

and actually during d one-year of asasi, i gained 10kgs

right before asasi, my weight was actually quite ideal for my body but i was still not satisfied with it...so now i realize what is actually the right body weight for me to look slimmer

okay, i think i'm already planning on something..

just hoping that during the degree, i got someone nice but 'aggressive' in making me lose weight..

ouh yeah, Sheril baby~ hahaha XD

wanna try Atkins too...maybe it will work on me

i need to lose 20kgs...

help me

please n tq (:

footnote: pathetic-much :|

my list of 'what-if..'s

what if...

i'm a famous FASHION DESIGNER

i'll make every women feel beautiful n confident..

what if...

i'm a top CELEBRITY

i'll live my life as fabulous n glamorous as possible..

what if...

i'm a 5-star gourmet CHEF

i'll cook with a pinch of love in every dishes

what if...

i'm a school TEACHER

i'll spread the words of wisdom to young minds

what if...

i'm a MUSICIAN

i'll soothe the world with my music to dim all anger in the world

footnote: ambitions..

overwhelming!!!

ohmaigod...more good news after another :D

my cousin, NOR AZIMAH is going to UiTM Shah Alam too!!!..awhh awhhhh!!!

but she's going to be at Puncak Perdana, though...

but what d hell, not that far anyway... (not really :D)

fuhhh....

anyways...there are tonnes of stuff to do, to fill in, and to buy!..

hopefully this time i won't forget what to buy and what's in my i-phone shopping list (like i always do lately,idk why...huhh very forgetful *btw i'm not THAT old to forget things easily....hurmm*)

so i better write 'em down in here so that everytime i go online, i'll remember *hopefully* :|

my SHOPPING LIST....brace urself! :

1. towel (big one and a small one)

2. toothbrush!. (seriously, the previous one was like junk)

3. OXY white cleansing foam (left mine at kuching..what a waste T_T)

4. try to get a new battery for ur lappy, godammit!. (optional, depending on budget)

5. a new bag, perhaps (like seriously, my previous bag for classes was like an antique, a pitiful one T_T)

6. more clothes for class....??? (hurmm to be considered, hoarder-much) :|

7. hairclips or hairstuff if that's what u want to call it :|

8. documents organizer (find d one with tonnes of pockets and divided sections)

9. stationaries case (again, d previous one was like *unmentionable*) :|

10. stationaries :D

11. mug, plate, spoon, fork & stuff

12. alarm clock (awh mann...even that won't wake me up) :|

13. mattress cover (optional)

14. new shoes, perhaps

15. a calendar, big one

16. posters of any hot guys (if there's any)

17. July issue of Seventeen :D

18. cellophane tapes

19. shower cap

20. any other worth included..

i think i can't really think of everything right now so i think it would be nice to stop at num. 20 :D

so..........let the shopping begin!..

ouh yeah...remember to get myself a med check-up...there's this sect in the form on body weight..omaigosh, i can't even look on 'em once i step on the scale...

maybe the figures shown later would be a nice slap-in-da-face (insert sound-effect) for me to get going on my biggest loser plans once i get my butt in shah alam.. :|

it's 4 in d morning now, n i just ate 4 humongous prawns (1 prawn for one hour after midnite)...well done, ita :|

i jumped off d bed without anything on my mind and just barged into the kitchen with a very involuntary action of getting a bowl and start heating up the prawns...it's not that good but the thought of it would go bad in d morning just made me feel like eating 'em..arghh!.. *soo not a good excuse to eat, but it is true :|*

i don't even know what i'm thinking, maybe i just can't sleep...and eventually ended up updating my blog even when i know that this would be a very good time to go to bed already

"mr. sleepy sandman, can u please pour a big bucket of sleeping sand into both of my eyes so that i can sleep away?.."

or maybe i just need some music to drive me to sleep??

oh no..it might turn out to be just like last night...i ended up singing along with it until i wasted almost 2 hours of my supposedly-bed-time...slept at 5.15 am, i guess.. :|

u don't even wanna know what was the time i woke up *sigh*

macam mana mau kurus ini macam???

good night, sweet dreams (:

footnote: uhh.....nothing :|

change me

i want to model...

but i don't have the guts

i'm not confident of myself...

i want to live life as it is...

and i want to change it a bit but i guess i never think of it that much

for now on, i would go and gather all the confidence and strength that i could grab with my two hands...or maybe some friends can come over to help me & be the extra pockets..

love is a lifetime treasure...love for yourself, only you can discover (just me, 2010)

girls' problem

well,when a group of girls get together or maybe a girl just simply stand in front of the mirror,i'm pretty much sure know what actually is on their minds...

then they start to gussy up, pinching out blackheads, stroking their hair, wondering how they can make their nose n lips look different...

we can never be satisfied with what we already have...because boredom and the feeling of having something different is human nature (mersita sheila, 2010) :D

one good example is hair color...do u notice that we Asians are crazy in getting a different hair color?.some of us want to be a brunette, blondie n me myself prefer to get my hair done in copper or auburn (ngee~ :D )

and let's observe on d people who are naturally gifted with these hair colors...they wanted a darker hair color,black is better!.(as they say...)

so here we can see that d theory is proven true, we can never be satisfied on what we have..we always want something new for ourselves,and manufacturers, inventors will drain their brains out thinking on how to satisfy our discontentment...bcoz only on beauty, they know that women are willing to spend most of their money just to look different (good profit,aite??.)

me myself is an example...i want to look different (but i think there is nothing wrong in my face so plastic surgery is outta my list)..i just want to make my face smoother, acne-free, blemish-free...as for my body; blemish-free, hot figure, and tut tutt (secret, oops..ngee~)

once a friend asked me, "how much do u spend on ur make-ups and beauty stuffs?."

then i took out d calculator, start to count on roughly the stuff in my makeup pouch n such...and the result; i think there are more than rm500 worth make-up,in just one pouch!. (i got several, actually.. :| )

not to mention all the clothes that i have in my bag n closet...fuhh, i admit it that i'm quite a hoarder but it is under control.. (for now..hurmm)

i can't help but to shop whenever i got d money...almost every month, i would go shopping at least once...and normally people will buy at least 1 outfit a month...but the stuff that i bought in a month is equivalent to 1 outfit per week (gulp!.)

thankfully now i'm starting to get a grip on myself and control my urge to shop...i always think that i already got so many and i don't need another one (but when it is too cute and look too good on me,i just can't help it)..i thought that maybe i don't have to spend my money on shoes,so that's why i got a major cluster in my closet..

i think another reason why i always think i need this and that is buying magazine every month..i read Seventeen since June 2008 until now..it's typical of a magazine to show the latest trends in market right now and that's what makes me say "ouh i want that, that's super cute!"..

then i'll spend the rest of the days just thinking about what i saw in the magazine and whenever i hit the mall,i'll find one just like that.. (ughh,i really need help :| )

insecurities drive people crazy...hell crazy!.

and the only way to solve this problem is to think on the real purpose in spending ur money and always think less is more..it'll keep u simple and beautiful and secure,inside out...

ouh yeah...think of this; 'i'm not that rich,so i better spend my money on something wayy better than this'...or

'i better work hard on my studies...then i'll get a good job, make big money every end of the month, then i can buy whatever i want'...it's good motivation,though...plus it's way better to spend the money that u earn urself rather than spending ur parent's bucks :D

footnote: money is always good.. $$$kaching2$$$