Good Vibes

Honestly, you will find many emotional posts in this blog if you feel like wasting your time browsing through some of them.
This blog had been dedicated for venting of emotions, which sometimes I think it would be better if I share it with someone who can actually give me feedback and advices.
Maybe I was thinking that through this blog, I can reflect on myself.
But, I don't regret publishing half of them because now I'm having fun reading the stupid, emo side of me.

Thus, from now on, this blog should be filled with more fun stories and of my great life adventures.
I'm in my final year now and will be graduating soon.
So, I guess I will embark on new experience and thoughts that are worth sharing and documented here.
I love documenting my life, like how I am being active in Foursquare, because I'm a forgetful person.
In regards of the previous posts which I think highlighted the childish side of me, from now on I should talk about actual useful things that reflect my opinion on certain matters.
I don't think I will be setting up a new blog because if in any way that I will post the same stuff I've posted before, I can see the similarities more clearly and hence hit the backspace button more ... intentionally.

Currently, I'm in the zone of deciding what's best for me 5 years from now.
That includes my career, my love life, my assets and so on.
Currently, I'm in the process of being my true self, who I actually want to be and how I'm going to carry myself.
With the thoughts of my changed perception of myself, I'm going to take things slow in how I would want to portray myself within the society. *that's a lot of 'myself' in just two compound sentences O_O*

I know I decided on wearing hijab a year ago.
But to be really honest, I haven't been wearing it full-time since day one.
I just didn't want to post my freehair pictures on social network. So, some might think I have been wearing it full-time.
I've cheated on it quite a lot, and I thought to myself that I'm just kidding myself all this while.
I've mentioned this before and I'm going to mention it again, I'm the biggest hypocrite I know.
At least I'm the biggest one to my own self.
And I would want to be honest this time if any of my friends would find it shocking.
I've prepared myself for all of the judgments.
But, this is just who I am. I feel sorry for myself that I haven't been honest since the past one year.
I'm hoping that my friends would respect my decision and carry on with their lives as I carry on with mine.
Insya'allah, I will fulfill that duty whole-heartedly once I get married. That is actually the original plan the whole time, now I'm strong enough to say that I was blinded before.

that's all for now.
will see you soon. :)

Practicum: A Journey

I just finished my teaching practicum on Monday.
It can be considered as a huge chunk of the ultimate journey in getting my degree in education.

It was fun. It was rewarding. It also got me thinking hard for my future.
The last time I felt numb in making life's biggest decisions was when I was torn apart between going for Matriculation in Life Science or Foundation in TESL.
I really can't remember how I got into the decision of going to Foundation of TESL instead of the other one.
I really can't remember how I came up with that conclusion, that decision.
All I can remember is that it felt numb.

Some people may say "You are born to be a teacher."
That might got you into thinking that you have the look, the natural talent.
As for me...I haven't found it yet.
All I know is that I know what I like and what I am passionate about.
I love to talk; share my opinions and thoughts about something.
I love talking to people, I love talking to an audience.
I love to serve, I love to see how people can be happy with the little, thoughtful things I do for them.

Despite all of those realizations I have, I still don't think that I know exactly what I want.
I have all of these feelings and passion inside of me but I don't know what to do with them.
I still don't know where I should channel them in my future career.

Practicum really was a journey.
It made me realize my position in the teaching profession.
It made me realize my strengths and weaknesses.
It made me realize that I don't want to be a teacher.

I don't know why I feel a little bit afraid and restrained by saying that but, I don't think teaching is for me.
I'm sorry, to I-don't-know-who, but the challenges I faced and the limitations inside of me made me realize all of those things.
Some might say I might need to teach a little bit longer in order for me to really finalize this decision.
But, how many months or years would it take?
Was the teaching practicum sufficient enough for me to make a conclusion?

All I know, at this point of time, practicum made me feel stuck.
I remember sitting in the teachers' room and I said to myself, "How did I get here?"
And it wasn't an exciting feeling.
I can't imagine what would make me feel excited.

Maybe I really don't know what I want.
I need to listen to myself think.
Still, after all this time, I haven't gotten the answer.

Le Idea of Vlogging

It's that time again.
I'm bored.
Again, I have just finished reading all of the blog posts I've ever posted.
I realized some of them are embarrassing so I took them down.
I sounded so...sad and a bit immature.
Which means being immature than I am now (I hope).
I'm not even sure which level of maturity I belong to.
hahah.

One more thing I realized, though.
My ideas were all over the place.
I've made a few change of minds in building up this blog.
Once, I thought of turning it to be a bit more informative.
A few posts after that, it went back to become more and more personal.
Long story short, I don't think I know what I want.
And that worries me, a lot.

I've been having a lot of ideas lately.
Been thinking of starting a vlog for product reviews.
And Ita being Ita, when I say products I mean beauty products.
I think that's the only kind of product that I have in abundance.
I'm just a girly girl liddat. :)

So...this vlog should revolve around the stuff that I use everyday and whatever is in my beauty pouches and handbags.
That includes skincare, makeups and shit (not literally).
I'm currently sticking to one skincare product that is from Avon and I'm going to start on that first.
The rest will perhaps be a compilation of my own favorite makeup and also from friends who love makeup as well.

The vlog might also include some beauty tips and tricks.
Maybe if we ever get bored with makeup and being pretty with it, I will also include my personal thoughts and opinions about some things that matter.
I am easily fascinated, so maybe I'll do reviews on talks and lectures like the ones in TED, etc.
Basically, it'll be a vlog full of Ita's thoughts and opinions about basically anything or everything she encountered. :)

Wish me luck with this wonderful plan, though.
Sometimes I need the right push coz I'm often The Thinker, not The Doer.
It's just one of the many bad qualities I have.

Most importantly, wish me luck so that I will not suck balls at recording and editing the videos.
k bye.

toodles. :)

insults

as if I had not felt insulted enough with the previous ending
you sent me an email to end ours.

the miles I went through for you
the tears I shed for something untrue
the doubts and fears I hold back to love you.
I tried so hard, still it was never enough.

thank you for the email.
friends thought it only happens in the movies
thank you for making them believe that,
I'm literally living in the world of unbelievable cinematic fantasies.

funny how it went down
as if you've known me for only a day.

Turning out to be just like you.

As much as I don't want to admit it
I am a daddy's girl.

 We have so many regrets.
 We say things we don't mean.
 We realize our mistakes when it's just too little too late.

  Maybe we're not meant to love.
  Maybe we're not worth to be loved.
  Maybe we're meant to be left behind.
  Maybe we're meant to just envy happiness from afar.

   The worst thing is...
   We seem to never learn from our mistakes.
   At least for me, I assume that no one is exactly the same.
   No one is perfect.
   And with those imperfections, we hurt those we love the most.

But, one thing that I'm proud of
Our love is endless
It never fade away.
That's all we can offer
But it never seem to be enough.

Eyes Like Sky

Sometimes I love posting lyrics of the songs that touched me, and this is one of my favorites.
The singer is Frank Ocean.
Really beautiful song.

"Eyes Like Sky"

Oh yeah

A blind boy sees a green girl

She drives a green car from a dream world

She meets up with a green cloud

And talks of saving the earth from itself

A blind boy saw a blue man

Who rides a blue bus through a nightmare

He leaves word to a blue home

But the blue seems different since she's passed away

And the same boy with sunken eyes saw me

And described yellow so perfectly.

Said, "He's watching."

Oohh

Watching, oohh

Watching, oohh

With eyes like sky

Eyes like I've never seen

A blind boy became a kind man

Who painted white lights on a canvas

He once said he didn't write songs

Cause making music would be selfish

And back then he saw the flags fly

Seen them fight and divide for it

He said war is for those who can see it

But what good is a border to me yeah, yeah.

And the same man

With sunken eyes saw me

And described yellow so perfectly.

Said, "He's watching."

Oohh

Watching, oohh

Watching, oohh

With eyes like sky

Eyes like I've never seen

I said, "I wish you could see the ocean."

He said, "I wish you could see hope."

I said, "Have you ever seen the mountains?"

He said, "No, but my faith could move those."

Oohh woah

I said, "I wish you could see the stars."

He told me I should see love.

Love.

Said, "He's watching."

Oohh

Watching, oohh

Watching, oohh

With eyes like sky

Eyes like I've never seen.

:)

semester 6

Please be nice.
;)