what's next??.

it's been 3 weeks of aftershock.

terasa sgt sekejap tp yg '3 weeks' dulu tu terasa lama smacam..

i guess time flies more slowly when u're in a relationship.

teehee~

like seriously,i don't even know what i'm feeling or what i'm thinking..

practically my sense of judgement is depleting in a very fast motion.

bnda yg x patut pun nmpk n rasa patut..

d feeling of knowing that d thing u're doing is right is no longer there anymore.

this is not healthy,this is not good..

fikiran dh x serabut,masalah dh selesai,segala bnda yg patut didengar dan diketahui pun dah,bnda yg nk sgt diluahkan pun dh meluah-luah....nak ape lg ni sbnrnya??.

mcm ade uncompleted business plak. :/

sabau je la, itaa....

"hidup byk dugaan.."bak kata amir izzudin ghazali :)

hurmm..

i know i shouldn't do that to u..being cold n all.

sbb when u get to think bout it,it is for d best..

we shouldn't do it in d first place pun..

am now learning tht love is never about owning or possessing somethg.

ok,sekarang rasa serabut balik..dammit. :/

i know we can't do this..

we both know that.

jd serba salah plak.

let's be friends.am trying n i'm sorry if this is too hard for d both of us.

i just can't take it anymore.

kthanksbye.

walking down the memory lane

believe me or not,dulu aku pernah menceburkan diri (xley blah punya ayat) dlm sports yg agak pelik n rare d Malaysia - FENCING (bkn 'mempagar' or anythg yg bkaitan ngn pagar, it's lawan pedang)..

back then, i got a chance to go to SUKMA during my Form-3 year (i guess tht would b on 2006)..

tp malangnya thn psekolahan aku x sesuai utk aku join SUKMA sbb form 3 PMR, n then form 5 plak SPM..

so mak aku x kasi pegi..aku pun jd serba salah sbnrnya.

but i kept telling to myself takpe la kott klau x g sukma skalipun, stay fencing kt skolah cukup ah kott..

lgpun msa aku naik form 4 or form 5 camtu,aku dh x training sendiri sgt sbb i need to coach for my juniors..

form 5 plak aku jadik pengerusi for persatuan lawan pedang skolah..lg laa xde msa nk training sendiri sbb most of evening practices aku yg kena buat n organize n bla bla blaa...kwn2 yg free utk tolong aku coach anak2 buah ni pun x ramai,jrg2 gak dtg tolong so msa tu i got my hands full with soooo many school activities..

i don't even know how d heck i could manage myself during form 5..there's too much commitments..

nasib baik aku x jadik pengawas,kalau iye mampos aku.

tp form 5 zaman kegemilangan lh jugak..selain drpd jd kepala for budak2 fencing,i made captain for my school netball team too..pastu ikut debate lg,forum,ape bnda jadah koku academic or non-academic,smua aku nk join..

same goes when i'm here..maybe sbb aku suka buat diri aku busy...it makes me alive ;)

btw,tujuan nak sgt konon2 walk down the memory lane ni is bcoz i'm thinking of joining somethg like SAFA (Selangor Amateur Fencing Association) which Terry told me tht it is in Shah Alam...n i guess this is a good place for me to start with fencing (again) and try to fill in my time with some physical activities - rather than meluangkan my remaining 3 years here going back n forth to classes without anythg interesting in life..

i miss my fencing moments...eventho i can tell that i'm not really good at it but i love doing it..maybe i just need better training n chances to polish up my skills bcoz i remember my coach said tht i got great assets to be an excellent fencer..

i got long legs,long arms,n yada yada yadaa~...

i want to start from d beginning,biorkan je lah klau nnti sparring berterabur sbb dh 2 tahun stop fencing skjap..

but what the hell, that's why every experts starts from an amateur stage..

klau x mbawak ke mana sgt pun xpe,i just wanna do it coz i love it.enuff said.. :)

k thanks bye.

menyempat

currently blogging in instructional technology class..
(pfft,nmpk sgt x pay attention)
just now mr.johan asked me a question on how to integrate internet into classroom teaching..
i answered confidently but quite blankly haha
i'm not the kind of person i am now, i really believe that.
what i'm saying is that i'm not serious enough in my studies this semester, not thinking straight, being too careless bout stuff, not really being nice to people, too carefree and if i carried on with these shenanigans, i'll lose myslef n ended up drowning. GASP!. :\

ok,kelas dh nak abes..
nnti smbung.

k thanks bye.

projek baru

once i saw this quote from somewhere
'women: a diet waiting to happen.'
agaks sentap di situ sbnrnya..
mungkin jugak dh bmacam jenis inspirasi d sekeliling utk memotivasikan aku supaya lose weight...hahh,bila dh kena dump n ko rsa sgt stress n x berselera yg amat,baru ko rsa seronok tgk bdn cam dh 'shrink' cket ;p

x baik sbnrnya.....mgkn jgk skrg dh rsa x perlu utk mkn sbnrnya klau ko x lapar..
tu je tujuan makan sbnornya-hanya utk org yg lapar.FULLSTOP.
kalo ko rsa ko x lapar sgt,xyah ah kott..
lgpun skrg kena ikat perut cket sbb dh x berduit sgt..
cukup sedih situasi skrg.

one thg yg aku notice bila aku ada bf n bergembira n blh bkasih syg n snyum spnjg msa (yg kekadang mcm org gila) - badan naik,rasa insecure cket,ko igt smua bnda kat dunia ni indah n apparently ngn idea mcm tu dlm kepala hotak,ko rsa smua mknan tu sedap n patut dicuba..klau x cuba,esok2 kalo ade pape tjadi kat ko,nyesal x smpat mkn..
tlg laa...kalo ko penah je rasanya mkn bnda tu n ko tau cane rasanya,xyah la fikir sgt yg ko mmg perlu cuba mknan tu...except for ur very2 fave food tp mkn dlm jumlah yg terkawal ye kwn2??. :D

hoishh~!!!...korg tau tak sbnrnya skrg aku patut carik cite dongeng kanak2 yg berteladan n buat reflective writing as an assignment yg nk kena submit esok??
instead,aku tgh merepek kt blog sambil dgr lagu hindustan kt ipod..
oh yeah,my earphones r fucked up...sgt nazak dh kott...need new ones ASAP,tp stiap kali tu jugak tlupa (or buat2 lupa or melupakan trus sbb duit x byk) ;(

mgkn jugak plan yg mdatang agk byk sbnrnya...
dlu bkn main plan nk g situ sini ngn org tuh...tp skrg bila dh fly solo,mgkn possibility n chances utk aku laksanakan angan2 tuh lbih luas (i guess??) sbb skrg all that's left for me are friends n study...mayb it's a good thing,mgkn jugak aku dh lupa mcmna nk hidup single tp ntah la,lantak ah. (dah tak tau nak ckp ape la tuh...pdn muka,bukak lg topik sebegitu)

*btw,facebook kt intec cam sial..td blh,skrg xley plak..siap bg warning awl2 klau ramai sgt nnti die sekat2..kesian ah kat aku ;(

k thanks bye.

roller-coaster ride

ok,first of all..kali ni update blog lain cket..
mls nk 2nd language sgt..
i just feel like it...now i'm experiencing different kind of feelings,emotions n what not..

babi sial,minggu ni sgt busy..
setelah bgelut ngn emosi yg amat2 x stabil for the past couple of weeks,i'm keeping myself busy with stuff..
well,sbnarnya bnda2 yg di'busy'kan sgt tu dtg sendiri tanpa diduga..
tup tup dh melambak keja meletup dpan aku..
hambek ko ;

dh lama x update yee....nak dkat sebulan kott
bkn xnak,it's just tht xde peluang..
yelah kann,skrg org dh xde broadband...nak on9 lepak library yg sejuk nk mampos,tu pun kena pegi after 5 baru best..
sedih sial~
zmn skrg,org yg x bduit stress yg amat,ok?.

ohh,nak ckp psl ape yg blaku kpd diriku yg malang ini..
terasa seperti diri dipermainkan dan 'dibuang' begitu sahaja (xnak guna pkataan tbuang sbnrnya tp dh xde idea nk guna term ape)..
i need my mojo back..which i think could only be there if i hv a boyfriend..
sucks gler hidup aku sbg sorg pompuan yg muda,hot (hot kerr??),friendly n pndai bsosial ni xley hidup tanpa seorg manusia yg bgelar BF disisi??.
mgkn jugak aku mmg xde sorg kwn rapat yg kisah nk ajk g mana2,yg tau segala bnda psl aku,know what i'm up to and such...
i do have a lot of friends,close ones..but sometimes it feels lonely eventho u're surrounded with friends...
ape yg aku perlukan sbnrnya??
ape yg aku nak sbnrnya??
ape yg aku tak perlu sbnrnya utk buat aku sedar ngn lbh byk bnda n possibilities yg ade d sekeliling aku??
please someone tell me..

ok,kalau psl mamat tu malas nk cite kat sini..
meletihkan jari-jemari aku jer..
korg tau cite,sudah la...tp kwn2 yg berkaitan,kena ingat..
we used to be in a 'herd'...korg kawan die,korg pun kwn aku jugak..
so whatever yg korg dgr drpd aku hanyalah my side of d story kott...korg pndai2 la compare n x jd berat sebelah..listen to both sides of the story,then compare...both sides ade relevance sendiri,tp of course i'm hurt but what can someone like me do to fix or change that??.to him,i'm nothing.

ok2,tukar mood cepat2...
td sgt best n gempak dowhh~!!!..
td kitorg ade 'Getting 2 Know U, Yes You!' kat padang intec..
aku jdk kepala registration tp yg menghampakan aku dtg lewat..smua org tggu,aku x ske sbnrnya -_____- mcm xley diharap pun ade jugee.....
tp sorry laa kengkawan,dh beberapa hari diri terasa amat letih...n mlm td xde mood sgt sbb certain unexpected circumstances yg tjadi,pastu balik umah text lg psl bnda yg sma ngn mamat gelap tuh..malassss,tau tak malassss sbnrnya????.tolong laa..

td msa G2KU xde la participate sgt dlm games dorg...mencapap je kt situ sudeh..
i'm gonna miss d asasians...dh la drama dorg sgt gempak...ktorg rsa sgt undermined tros hahahaha XP
they pulled it off BIG time...when i say big, i mean it was really big...i'm a proud sister ;)

ok,mcm essay....
post lg bnda merepek-repek d post yg strusnya..
toodles~